Question: How Do I Actually ‘Do The Work’? What do I do to reach union with my twin flame and end this separation?

A lot of advice given to twin flames can be generic, but that’s because it’s incredibly hard to give specific advice without at least some idea of the person who’s asking.

So you’ll often hear advice like ‘do the work’ or ‘focus on yourself.’

This is good advice. It’s also very unhelpful when you don’t know what that means or what you should actually go and do. When you do ask for advice, you get ‘just do it’.

On the subject of messages like this, we also have a guide on how to text your twin flame.

Note: The person giving advice here is not doing the wrong thing. They’re fantastic for trying to help someone and they’re faced with an impossible question.

But answers like this still don’t help you get started and move in the right direction. Especially if you’ve just started your spiritual awakening. So here’s our go at giving advice. How to get started and further your twin flame journey.

Step 0: Tapping Into Direct Advice

Since we originally wrote these steps we’ve developed several tools and services that were designed entirely to help you further the twin flame path.

You can find our free tools:

And our services:

Step 1: Understand (Carefully)

In order to tackle the journey, you need to try and understand it. Easier said than done.

There is a lot of conflicting information and confusion about what twin flames are and what they’re not. It’s a high-energy journey that can bring out a lot of intense emotion, which means sometimes you just run into arguments and spiritual gatekeeping.

Our advice?

Don’t get caught up too much in terminology or focus on the bickering that can go on. Focus on the broad strokes of what the journey means.

If you are a twin flame, then your goal is to reunite with your mirror soul. The other half of your soul. To do that, you can’t treat this like a normal relationship. You need to treat it like the spiritual journey it is.

Sitting around, watching Netflix and doing nothing is not going to help. No matter what you believe about the journey.

If it turns out you’re not a twin flame, the ‘work’ you’ll undertake will still do you good.

Step 2: What Focus on Yourself Really Means

I’m never going to try and discount the pain of twin flame separation. It can be incredibly painful to experience this kind of connection and not have it go the way you want here in the physical (3D).

But you can’t fall into this trap of focusing on your twin flame.

Imagine your energy each day as a watering can and your soul and all aspects of yourself as flowers in a garden. Your twin flame is a rose, your professional life is a daffodil, and maybe your spiritual journey is a sunflower.

If you pour all of that water on the rose two things are going to happen.

  1. The rose will drown (you’ll push your twin flame away).
  2. The other flowers will wither (because you have no energy left for them).

Now if we expand that garden to include all the many aspects of your life. Your friends, your family, your passions, your hopes, your dreams, your wanderlust, your curiosity and every other small thing that needs a little bit of attention now and again.

As a twin flame, you have a lot of water in that can. We just need to make sure it’s being shared throughout the rest of the garden.

When we spend time with our true Twin Flame, and we are not yet in union – it is a “reunion“. These are blissful times where it becomes solidified in our hearts, yet again, that we are meant to be together. Our heart chakra gets revved up again and everything is on high alert. Smells are more wonderful, colours are more vibrant, sounds are more beautiful, etc. We are truly existing “in love”.

When they leave, we can all of a sudden be faced with our reality that they are no longer there. Lack takes over. Scarcity takes over. Fear takes over. We start to listen to the voices in our heads telling us lies that our brains come up with to keep us from being emotionally hurt. “He didn’t really mean what he said when he said that nice thing to you. He was just being a player when he did that thing for you. He is using you for what you have in life and is going to take you for everything you have – don’t trust him” all the things.

It’s not our twin who drains our energy. Ever. It is our mind that is bent on keeping you in these low vibrational states of being and away from the love you actually deserve and is yours by birthright.


As completely tempting as it can be to scroll your messages with them or update their social media ten times a day, we need to bring that focus internally.

We need to break away from this low vibrational energy and work on ourselves. This doesn’t mean completely forgetting about your twin. I don’t believe that twin flames can forget about each other.

Learning to focus on yourself just means you prioritize your own desires rather than theirs. You don’t go out of your way to hurt them or even try to forget about them. You don’t expend your own energy to focus on them.

This might not happen overnight. If you’ve been stuck in a loop of focusing on them, it becomes a process of becoming mindful of it. Anytime you catch yourself daydreaming or reaching for your phone to check on them…

Stop for a moment. Don’t chastise yourself. Don’t let it frustrate you. Just refocus your energy elsewhere (and we’ll talk about that in a moment).

The more you catch yourself in this loop, the better you’ll be able to refocus yourself. The easier you’ll find it next time. It can reach the point where separation goes from a throbbing pain stabbing you in the heart to background noise driving you forward.

Step 3: Practices to Start With

Want a helping hand with your own journey? Our Union Blueprint has a series of guided tools and practices you can start with. Follow the Union Blueprint, tools and get involved with the community to help further your path.

The practices you can use for furthering your own path are as unique and varied as the member of the twin flame collective. This is far from a complete list but it covers most of the most frequent practices you’ll see used as a starting point.

Some of these practices can seem simplistic (like one of my favorites, journaling) but there’s a lot of power in simple practices. You don’t need complexity for the sake of it as long as it brings your focus to the right place.

Let your intuition guide you here. There’s no right or wrong as long as you do something to better yourself. Pick the practice(s) that resonates with you and just get started.

  1. Meditation: Make a habit of meditating daily, even if it’s just for a few minutes. Whether you use our specific guided meditations or whatever you find on YouTube. This practice helps to quiet the mind, improve mental clarity, and develop a deeper connection with your inner self.
  2. Journaling: Writing down your thoughts, feelings, and experiences can be therapeutic and help you gain insights into your emotions and behaviors. One of our first newsletter pieces was all about journaling for twin flames because of how impactful it can be. Reflect on your personal growth and progress and any recurring patterns or issues you need to address.
  3. Connect: You can use a twin flame reading (doing them yourself or from someone else) to connect and channel messages from your twin and guidance from the universe on how to further things.
  4. Exercise and physical activity: Engage in regular physical activity to maintain overall health and well-being. Exercise can help release stress, improve mood, and increase self-confidence.
  5. Pursue personal interests and hobbies: Dedicate time to activities that bring you joy and help you grow. Pursuing passions boosts your self-esteem and helps you discover more about yourself.
  6. Establish healthy boundaries: Set boundaries with your twin flame and others to protect your emotional and mental well-being. This may involve limiting contact, setting expectations, or simply saying no when needed.
  7. Practice self-compassion: Be gentle with yourself and practice self-compassion. Recognize that everyone has flaws and makes mistakes, and that’s okay. Treat yourself with kindness and understanding.
  8. Develop emotional intelligence: Work on understanding and managing your emotions, as well as empathizing with others. This can help you navigate relationships more effectively and foster personal growth.
  9. Foster spiritual growth: Explore different spiritual practices and beliefs to help you better understand your purpose and the world around you. This might include prayer, mindfulness, energy healing, or connecting with a spiritual community.
  10. Seek professional guidance: If you’re struggling with emotional or mental health issues, consider seeking the help of a therapist, counselor, or life coach. They can provide valuable guidance and support to help you navigate your twin flame journey.
  11. Build a support network: Surround yourself with positive, supportive people who understand and respect your twin flame journey. Share your experiences with friends, family, or online communities to gain encouragement, advice, and a sense of belonging.

Focusing on yourself during your twin flame journey is not about neglecting your twin flame. It’s about becoming the best version of yourself, bringing you closer to union with your twin flame. By working on your personal growth and self-care, you ultimately lay the foundation for a healthy, harmonious relationship.

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